Powerade

LeBron James Mountain Blast Powerade is a gift from our chemical overlords at Coca-Cola.

I don't usually cotton to drinking unhealthyish beverages, but I was swayed by its blue color, and promise of 'energy'. It tastes better than most energy drinks I've tried.

I want to keep collecting the caps which will gain me free corporately-branded athletic gear.

It doesn't matter to me that Powerade is people. It's people!!!

Or that its "natural flavors" come from LeBron James peeing into the massive production vats.

Somehow, it makes me feel part of a culturally-relevant world of fast cars and curvy women.

Powerade is not just ade. It's Power!!!

You people that haven't just had a lot of water and corn syrup like me are nothing compared to me! Do you hear me??? Get out of my way!!!